


Timeshare in Tartarus

by JiminysJournal



Series: Once Upon a Time in Kingdom Hearts [35]
Category: Kingdom Hearts, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, Fix-Fic, Gen, Lost chapter, POV First Person, Post-Episode: s05e10 Broken Heart, Post-Season 5A
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-05 12:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13387695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiminysJournal/pseuds/JiminysJournal
Summary: Zelena has options for her half-terlife.





	Timeshare in Tartarus

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [How the Witch Stole Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097505) by [JiminysJournal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiminysJournal/pseuds/JiminysJournal). 



“Welcome to Hades.  As a demigoddess, you get to split your time between here and up there.”  This how Megara, Queen of the Underworld, greeted me, when I arrived.  Dark, damp place.  Smells faintly of sulfur.  Cold.  Still, nice community.  I get to leave Tartarus some; I’m not _always_ forced to watch that reel of my kid sister’s success story.  Wait, where was I?

Oh, yes.  Megara continued, “Now, we offer four plans for how you can split that time.”

“Oh, goody,” I replied, with perhaps a hint of sarcasm.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she thought it would be a bright idea to just show off her man!  “Now, Herc here is on the 26-week plan.”  Yes, I get it; you get to spend half the year with Hunk-ules!  Stop rubbing it in!

I gave her a sly smile to let her know I was not amused.

“We also offer a 13-week plan, a four-week plan, and a two-week plan.  No 52-week plan or weekly plan.  One’s too long, and the other’s too often.  Can’t have that.  No chance.  No way.  I won’t have it.  No.  No.”  And yes, she _sang_ that last part.

“Ugh, fine!  I guess I’ll take the two-week plan.  At least that will still allow me to see my daughter _somewhat_ regularly.  So, what do you do to keep everything, you know, on schedule, hmm?  Years have one more day than a perfect 52 weeks, after all.  Two in leap years!”

“I’m glad you asked.  Rather than having leap days, we have leap _weeks_.  Down here, every five years is a leap year, except for years divisible by 40, unless that year is divisible by 400.”

“Kind of like how, on the surface, years divisible by 100 aren’t leap years, unless _they’re_ divisible by 400!”

“Exactly.  Now, while you _are_ required to spend leap weeks down here, during those leap weeks you have the chance to change your plan! It will take effect the following week.  Just think extra hard during those leap years when you don’t have another leap year for another _ten_ years, okay.  Umm, the leap weeks will fall at the end of _your_ year, not ours, but the years themselves _are_ based on the calendar.”

“I see…”  I think I got what she was saying.  I have my contract somewhere; it says in there.  “So, wait. How does that work for people on the four-week plan?”  I asked with raised eyebrow.  “52 divided by four is thirteen!”

“Uhh…We’ll cross that bridge, when we come to it!” was her answer.  Then, under her breath, “I mean, you’re only our second demigod.”

Nevertheless, she continued, “You will be able to return to the land of the living on January seventh.  Otherwise, it will be a joy having you here,” definitely bringing a heap of sarcasm into that second sentence.  She then clapped twice.  “Pain! Contract!”  A short, stocky man brought over a long scroll.  Yay, paperwork.


End file.
